I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
