I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
