Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize