Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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