Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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