i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
