don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My life is pants optional.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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