I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize