I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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