Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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