Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
