She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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