Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
