oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize