just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Even my vagina gasped.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
