hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
