i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
