Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
