I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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