Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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