I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
