so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
