My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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