i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
