i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
