tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
