i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
