apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
