Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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