she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
