Got a toothbrush?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
True college students do jello shots in the library
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