Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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