so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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