you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
His hands were made for my vagina.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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