Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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