In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
