yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
