I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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