yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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