so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
