piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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