These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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