Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
