'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
