It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
there was a trapeze. enough said
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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