I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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