i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
