Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
