He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Randomize
