i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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