i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
