He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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