Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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