I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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