There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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