Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
