this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
