Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
