yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
