I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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