girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
