What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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