no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
