Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
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