yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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