Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
