I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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