the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize