You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
