Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
