I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
