I'm jealous of your bromance
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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