kristin has been a bad kristin
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
