I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
