It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
