it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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