I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
