Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I enjoy the company of your penis
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
