if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
