I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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