Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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