Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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