im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
