I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
