last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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